RIP RM

2016.09.18 1600 the world lost a humble, honest, selfless person. A person with so many good quality that words couldn't describe.

when i got to know that you were really sick about two months ago, i was worried as i knew you were always complaining about your backache. That day, on our way to visit you, we received a phone call, saying that you are actually having cancer, final stage. Was shocked but still calm as i always though he will eventually be alright not instantly, but in a long run.

When we reached you ward, you were sleeping, and so we waited. My heart broke when i saw you on that hospital bed, you were thinner and you looked really tired.

When you woke up, you looked happy to see us. Then you talked and joked around with us, telling us about future plans. In my heart i was thinking, at least you are positive, you are strong, this shit will be over soon.

Then you suddenly broke down, telling us you have fucking cancer and you cant move your legs anymore, you cried a little but held back your tears, i know you hate looking weak and useless infront of us. We told you that you must be strong everything would be over soon and we would drink champagne sometime soon. We only stayed for a brief two hours and left.

The next day, before visiting you, we went to get some of your favourite jelly beans and candies, and when we arrived, you were sleeping. So while waiting, we went to get lunch.

We returned and you are awake, we told you that we brought you jelly beans and you were delighted. You ate your jelly beans (a little too much maybe) and very delightfully told us that you once received a box of 40bags of jelly beans, all 40 with different flavours and you finished it in one day.
You were happy telling us your stories and i was glad. Then you ate a little too much of gummy bears too. I supposed you got a little lecture from Joseph later on huh~ lol. That day you told us who Joseph was and you told us we would have champagne at your house when you get better, but that day would never come anymore.

The third day, we only visited for a short time, this time you also had your jelly beans and gummy bears, we knew you werent having proper meals for sometime and so we try names of many food, and i guess you got annoyed and wanted us to stop. We knew you arent in a proper shape now and was just trying to cheer you up as much as we can. You told us that after chemo, you would lose all your hair, almost breaking down. Again we told you to be strong and everything would be fine soon.

Before leaving we said we would visit soon, little did i know that, that was the last time i would ever see your Face. I am sad, to be not able to visit you anymore, but i know you have your own dignity and you dont want people to see when you are weak. But at least i still get updates about you every other day or two.

On friday, 16th i received a msg saying that you would only last till the weekend cos you are purging blood and getting weaker, you got discharged on thursday and has said your last goodbyes with your closest friends, that is when everyone last saw you..... but not me, wasnt around and that kills me now..... i cried on that day.... i cried so much although i know that you are still hanging in there, but i know you will soon be gone. It's so hard, the only way for me to not cry is to not think about you, to not think about you leaving us.

Saturday, updates that you are getting even weaker now..... still purging blood.

Sunday news came that you are no longer with us.

I never cried so much in my life......this is so so devastating.

But at least in one of your hospital visits, you said that at least you have traveled to many places. I guess today is your final take off on your journey to a better place where i will never see you again.

looking back, don't know when it stated, but i started addressing you as 老爸behind your back, i guess you never knew it, and will never do anymore.

Today, 2016.09.21 10am you were cremated and will be gone forever, i still cant believe this. i still cant.....

No matter how i refuse to accept this, it's time to face the reality
“A teacher affects eternity.”

I am deeply saddened and devastated to hear the news of your passing.
Some of my fondest memories in university life includes the time I spent with you, during your classes, during your supervisions, during our meetups, during our trips and also during our conferences.

You taught me so much. A mentor and a great person close to heart that encourages me so much. Maybe you just didn’t know that you meant so much to me. You always have this unexplained faith that believe I can achieve things that I don’t think I could accomplish. So much opportunity given to me, that is why so much of me today is because of you.

As your master student, I may be a little too much dependent towards you, because you make me feel so safe being your student always there to watch my back, always there to guide me and always telling me which is the next step to take. This is still so hard to digest for me. I feel lost now.
It may still seem unreal to me, as I still have false hope that you would somehow get better, but attending your wake makes me realize this cruel truth, you are really gone. I will not be able to see the tangible you anymore. It seems that you have already left us to be in a better place, at peace where there is no more suffering or pain.

While I mourn the loss of a great man, I feel blessed and honored that you were a part of my life. You are a very special person to me. It’s time to say goodbye forever. You fight is over. I am sure you’ll be the sky’s brightest stars looking upon us. May your soul rest in peace. I will move on from this grief, but you will always be in my heart. Never forgotten. I love you. Till we meet again.